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Friday, September 29, 2006


The Dating Game pt. 1

Inspiration: red light/green light
Images: thebosh.com and google images

In case any of you were wondering which celebrities would be 'available' if you hit on them in a bar, here is an update on the latest celebrity breakups and hookups.

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker - Green light

They are either over or in serious trouble, so go for it! This was a real relationship, so get them now, while they are vulnerable.

Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth - Green light
Kate is casually dating James Rousseau. Orlando just started seeing Penelope Cruz. However, both new 'relationships,' if we can call them that, are in neo-natal stages. The Bloom and Cruz thing is so new that there aren't even any decent pictures of them together yet, so if you break them up now, they won't be able to remember that they were ever together.

Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton - Yellow light

Though everyone said Harry dumped Lindsay at the Marmont last week, they were seen having lunch together at the Ivy yesterday and may be trying to work something out. Lindsay had a rebound fling with Stavros Niarchos - one of the guys in Paris Hilton's harem of Greek shipping heirs - but that fling was solely a result of Lindsay wanting to seem less lonely and unwanted and Stavros just being a slut. Some people think the entire relationship between Linds and Harry was also publicity stunt, so even if they are both single, I would be wary of approaching either of them, unless you are also willing to date the paparazzi following you on your dates.

Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson - Yellow light
Though they seemed to have the perfect relationship with perfect cute shared dogs, Seth and Summer Adam and Rachel have been having some trouble lately because of the mysterious charms of Zach Braff. Not particularly good-looking, Braff must lure girls like Mandy Moore and with his personality. Whatever. I wouldn't fall for it. Plus, Adam Brody's personality is just fine. And he has a band! They aren't great, but they are better than the other celeb-fronted groups like Jared Leto's 30s to Mars. Anyway, now that publicity for 'The Last Kiss' is winding down, maybe Rachel won't see Zach as often. Who knows. In any case, if you see Adam at a bar, be nice to him -- he might appreciate the attention.

Paris Hilton and Travis Barker - Yellow light

Look at Paris, so stealthy with her disguises! So Travis is divorcing his skanky wife Shanna, and Paris has been there to 'comfort' him. This hookup is just convenient, it's not a relationship. If you aren't afraid of catching whatever STDs these two may or may not have, then good luck to you.

Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner - Reddish yellow light

Nicole and Brody have been friends since they were 2 years old, sort of like how Nicole and Paris had been friends since they were 2 years old. Hopefully this works out better for Nicole and Brody than it did for her and Paris. In any case, I don't think Nicole and Brody's relationship is that stable, since they are both still on DJ AM and Kristin Cavallari rebounds. However, I think this relationship is less susceptible to third-party interventions than others, unless the third-party is AM or KC wanting to get back together.

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson - Red light

Kate is finally divorcing her hideous and untalented husband, and we have Owen Wilson to thank for it. Kate and Owen's relationship must be fairly serious if she is going to leave the father of her children to be with him. So I wouldn't get mixed up in this one. Though I think
Owen is a little slutty, Kate has those kids now - baggage, ugh.

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty - Red light

These two on-again-off-again lovers are definitely on again right now. Pete is fresh out of rehab and looking to score -- syringes, though I'm sure he likes scoring with Kate too. I'm sure he carries a syringe filled with her blood with him at all times, sort of like how AJ and Billy Bob used to have those necklaces. So yeah, no matter how easy they appear to be, don't get mixed up with either Kate or Pete (unless you need to find some discount drugs).

Eva? How quickly she forgets that he flew all of her friends for a surprise birthday party.
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