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Thursday, September 14, 2006

 

Finally


Inspiration: Whitney Houston Files for Separation from Bobby Brown
Image: She really did look like this once

Well, 14 years ago, Whitney Houston fans everywhere placed their bets on how long it would last with Bobby Brown. I think most bets ranged from 6 weeks to 6 months. Though I was only 8 years old, I believe my bet was 1 year. I never thought I would finish elementary school, middle school, high school, and college all before Whitney and Bobby separated.

For the longest time, I blamed Bobby for all of Whitney's problems. I blamed him for the drugs and erratic behavior. I'd be high too if I were married to that fool. However, I have since developed a new theory. While in high school I discovered the trashiest, campiest, most entertaining gossip site EVER. There, I discovered what must be one of the best rumors from the 1980's: the lesbian love triangle between Whitney Houston, Kelly McGillis, and Jodie Foster.

The basic story is that Whitney had a thing with Kelly, then Kelly had a fling with Jodie while they were filming the original feminist anti-rape movie The Accused. When Whitney found out, she stormed the set and fighting ensued.

Because I was not actively following these events at the time they occurred, I cannot take a stand and say whether I believe it or not. But I can evaluate it given some known facts:

Fact #1: The unconvincing denial: "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God... I am not a lesbian. I wish they'd stop saying it. I have a daughter, for God's sake. What do they mean by this? They write this shit and one day I'm gonna have to talk to my daugher... Please. I'm so pissed off right now. Excuse me." - Whitney Houston to Entertainment Weekly in 1995.

Fact #2: Continued rumors: "I've seen her with a woman a couple of times. They were walking around without their shirts on when I came in the house." - Tina Brown talking some shit about her sister-in-law this past spring.

Fact #3: It is a bad idea to screw around with Whitney Houston - literally or psychologically. Look at these more recent pictures of her:


I would soooo not cross her.

Fact #4: The open secret: Jodie Foster is not straight

So given this background, it does not seem implausible that these women could have been intertwined in some high-level drama back in the day. The only missing link here is Kelly McGillis. There is hardly any gossip about her aside from this one rumor. This lack of information is probably due to her lack of a career since the 80's. Imdb.com says she is twice divorced and once said, "Love isn't intellectual - it's visceral." That seems sort of repressed gay to me!

So this rumor, combined with other old rumors about Whitney and her best friend Robin, compelled me to go forward with my theory on Whitney's turn to drugs. Crack destroys her inhibitions and dulls her pain. When Whitney is high, she can screw anything she wants without feeling guilty or afraid. Later, when bitches like Tina are like "Ewww you f*cked that girl," Whitney can be like "Whatever, bitch, I was just high!"

Maybe the divorce is a sign of awakening for Whitney. Maybe she will boldly go forth into a brave new world where she can do whoever she wants without using crack as a safety net. I just hope she takes some time to clean up her appearance before going out there - unless she still finds the toothless crackwhore look to be a winner.

Comments:
i've heard these rumors before.

well, it's sad to think that it's eaiser for her to be a crackhead than an out lesbian...shiit.
 
Wow girl, you do your research. Personally, I'd like to see Debra Wilson's impression of a lesbian Whitney.
 
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