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Monday, October 23, 2006

 

Congratulations, it's a...

Inspiration: ISNA
Image: Brit lost some weight, but still needs to dye her hair

There are rumors going around that Britney's second baby may not really be named Sutton Pierce, but rather Jayden James. Even more fascinating is that X17 paparazzi believe the baby may actually be a girl, since they saw Britney's bodyguard buying pink baby clothes in Malibu. Though the paparazzi can't prove their story because the bodyguard scared them into giving up the tape, I have developed my own sound theory to explain this mystery.

I think Britney had an intersex baby. After all, Britney and her 'people' have never officially confirmed or denied any reports of the baby's name or gender. What would be the point of being so cagey about this basic detail? The paparazzi would follow the baby around regardless of its gender, so privacy is not a valid concern. Even the friend of K.Fed who was quoted as saying, "Grandma Federline calls the child Jayden," used gender neutral language! Clearly Britney herself is stunned and confused about this situation. She's all like, "Huh, what? Interwhat?!"

Britney, if your baby is ambiguously gendered, just come on out and say it. Even though s/he will never be as popular as the Jolie-Pitts, it will still be Suri who freaks everyone out. Besides, androgyny is in -- just move to Silverlake and encourage Sutton/Jayden to become Jared Leto and/or a hipster lesbian.

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