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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

 

Ryan is a loser

Inspiration: don't let your Blackberry out of your sight
Image: mollygood.com, socialitelife.com

Well the National Enquirer is offering confirmation -- yes, they are credible; they were right about what happened on the set of Grey's -- that Ryan is a cheater. Apparently the girl that Ryan was seen making out with in Austin is actually Abbie Cornish, his co-star (pictured here). Reese was drinking and fighting with Ryan at the Flags of our Fathers premiere after-party because she found Ryan's Blackberry in their hotel bathroom and saw the messages he and Abbie had been exchanging. Wow. Ryan is not only an insecure cheater, but also a complete idiot. After the premiere, Ryan went to finish a movie in Morocco, and Reese went back to LA. When Ryan came home this week, Reese kicked him out and hired Jennifer Aniston's divorce lawyer. Once Reese tracks down all those Canadian waitresses and, perhaps, Jake Gyllenhaal, it will all be over. I predict that Reese will offer joint custody of their two children, on the condition that Ryan receives no financial gain from the settlement. Then Reese will get to work on her anti-Flags of Our Fathers Oscar campaign. Key voters should expect gift baskets full of books about the role of black soldiers in WWII and phone calls with the sounds of crying children drowning out Reese's warm greetings.

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