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Tuesday, October 31, 2006

 

Ryan is a loser

Inspiration: don't let your Blackberry out of your sight
Image: mollygood.com, socialitelife.com

Well the National Enquirer is offering confirmation -- yes, they are credible; they were right about what happened on the set of Grey's -- that Ryan is a cheater. Apparently the girl that Ryan was seen making out with in Austin is actually Abbie Cornish, his co-star (pictured here). Reese was drinking and fighting with Ryan at the Flags of our Fathers premiere after-party because she found Ryan's Blackberry in their hotel bathroom and saw the messages he and Abbie had been exchanging. Wow. Ryan is not only an insecure cheater, but also a complete idiot. After the premiere, Ryan went to finish a movie in Morocco, and Reese went back to LA. When Ryan came home this week, Reese kicked him out and hired Jennifer Aniston's divorce lawyer. Once Reese tracks down all those Canadian waitresses and, perhaps, Jake Gyllenhaal, it will all be over. I predict that Reese will offer joint custody of their two children, on the condition that Ryan receives no financial gain from the settlement. Then Reese will get to work on her anti-Flags of Our Fathers Oscar campaign. Key voters should expect gift baskets full of books about the role of black soldiers in WWII and phone calls with the sounds of crying children drowning out Reese's warm greetings.

 

Oprah's book club?

Inspiration: Snoop Dogg pens first book
Image: newsamericanow.com

I've definitely been waiting for this moment ever since I read Nicole Richie's The Truth About Diamonds at Borders . Yes, at Borders -- why would I actually pay for it? Anyway, Snoop Dogg, the master wordsmith, has released Love Don't Live Here No More: Book One of Doggy Tales. Book One -- yes, there will be 6 more! This first volume tracks Snoop from his childhood to the start of his hiphop career. I can't wait to see what Snoop will say later about the Bad Boy vs. Death Row drama. Though I doubt Snoop will set it off by claiming anything too controversial, I'm sure his autobiography will be a more substantive read than Nicole's (and definitely Paris's).

Monday, October 30, 2006

 

All that glitters...

Inspiration: is not gold
Images: yahoo, TMZ, MSNBC, Egotastic

Reese and Ryan announced their separation today, forever dashing the hopes of young straight women and gay men everywhere who believed that finding a hot, supportive husband was actually possible. You should have seen the panic that swept through my workplace this afternoon. The shock and dismay nearly surpassed that which I've witnessed from friends whose own parents were divorcing. Though many casual observers were horribly shocked by the demise of Reese and Ryan's golden marriage -- a TMZ poll of over 175,000 people has 75% voting for "I can't believe it" -- I was only a little shocked. I remembered the very public fight the two had back in May and that any relationship in which the woman is phenomenally successful and the husband is a relatively struggling pretty boy is doomed to fail.

Though I couldn't stand Reese when I thought she was happy, now I can unite with her in feminist sisterhood against the evils of the philandering male ego. Just look at the body language in these pictures taken over the past year. First, we have Reese and Ryan at the SAG awards. Look how awkwardly placed Ryan's hand is around her shoulder -- and look how Reese looks like she just bit into a rotten apple! Next is a picture of the couple celebrating Reese's Golden Globe win. Ryan looks like he is about to bite off Reese's ear, and Reese, again, looks like she wants to vomit. At the Oscars, Ryan had difficulty mustering a smile, and at the Flags of our Fathers premiere, Reese looks wasted and Ryan looks tense. Not long after this picture was taken, Reese and Ryan apparently had the blowout fight that put the nail in the coffin of their marriage.
What I've gathered from various sources is that Reese and Ryan went to the premiere, smiled for the cameras, left before the movie started, and were fighting at the after-party. I can't imagine why, but Reese was drinking, had one too many cosmos, and was overheard saying to Ryan, "I don't know what you mean by saying I am embarrassing you, how could you say I am embarrassing you?" They went outside and had a "knock-down, drag out," and then they left looking pissed.
During an interview earlier in the evening, Ryan told FOX News, "Let my wife be the movie star. I’m happy just to work with great directors and be a part of great films.” Hmm right. The same reporter also asked Reese how she felt 'not being the star' of the movie she is currently filming -- which was a silly question because, ensemble cast or not, Reese still is the star of that movie. Reese knows that too, so she replied, "Well, I am, I guess. I’m the woman. I’m the moral center. But I can do it! Bring it on! I can handle it!” Reese and Ryan's exchanges with this reporter pretty much tell the story. Personally, I hope Reese brings it to the divorce proceedings, since she makes almost $30 million a movie and Ryan only makes $2.5 million on a good day. Ryan has not been good at hiding his indiscretions lately, which should cost him.

I can see how Reese might be difficult to live with, being so perfect and everything, but I still can't stand cheaters, especially the ones who cheat like Ryan does (allegedly). Though it is wrong, I can understand cheaters who cheat because they have genuinely fallen in love with someone else, like Brad with Angelina. However, I cannot tolerate cheaters who cheat out of a compulsive need for sex (Eric Benet cheating on Halle), cheat to lash out at their partners, and/or cheat to compensate for, let's say, career-related shortcomings. Unless Ryan is madly in love with that no name blonde he was seen making out with in Austin, I am boycotting Flags of Our Fathers -- which I was probably going to do anyway, since the movie left out all the black soldiers in Iwo Jima.


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