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Tuesday, November 14, 2006


On again, off again

Inspiration: pretty people
Image: an old one from 2003

Natalie Portman and Gael Garcia Bernal first dated for about a year back in 2003-04, and everytime they run into each other at a premiere or party, rumors fly that they are getting back together. Such rumors surfaced in February when Natalie and Gael were both at the Berlin Film Festival to promote V for Vendetta and The Science of Sleep. The two were said to have spent 'quality time' together during the festival. Though whatever constituted 'quality time' for Natalie and Gael in Berlin was never made public, I think the public got a clearer idea of it on Sunday night. At The Roundhouse in London, Natalie and Gael were flagrantly indulging in 'steamy' PDA while listening to Seu Jorge. Though I have no idea if Natalie and Gael are really getting back together or just doing that 'hooking up with your ex when there's no one better around' thing, I do hope they give it another shot. I can't even remember why they broke up, and now the only explanation I can find is that "the final straw was when Portman discovered her beau had opted to take his parents to the Cannes Film Festival this week instead of her." Um ok.

A quick look at Natalie Portman's dating history tells me that dumping Gael was the second dumbest thing she's ever done. Though there's been recent evidence that Natalie and Jake Gyllenhaal are more than just friends. I don't think they've ever been serious -- Jake prefers ugly girls like Kirsten Dunst. And Natalie is no stranger to less than Jake hot men, since she has actually been dating Nat Rothschild, a bland British billionaire. I think she only gave him a shot because he's Jewish. Besides, Natalie and Nathanial = Nat and Nat -- clearly a horrible idea!

Natalie seems to have had a bit of a dating slump (publicly at least) pre-Nat, because the last guy to whom she was linked was Zach Braff in 2004. Zach was only an acceptable boyfriend because Garden State was good and Scrubs is hilarious. Clearly Natalie values humor, because Zach is not particularly hot. However, he is a lot hotter than Moby, who Natalie dated back in 2000 (yes, this would be the #1 dumbest thing ever). Wasn't she also sort of underaged then too?

As for Gael, Natalie is probably the best girlfriend that he's had too, though his girlfriends all tend to be attractive. Gael was linked most recently to Argentine actress Dolores Fonzi. This summer, Natalie was in Buenos Aires to visit Gael, and the Argentine paparazzi did a great job capturing these photos of Natalie flipping out after being asked about Gael and Dolores. I guess I can't blame Natalie for being upset. If my hot, albeit short, ex hooked up with someone objectively hotter than the person I'm currently dating, I might be a little irritable too.

Despite the Argentine drama this summer, it appears as though Natalie and Gael still can't stay away from each other. I think it's because Natalie is so small that she's still shorter than Gael in heels, and Gael is pretty much perfect, aside from being short.


Told you so!

Inspiration: lesbians!
Image: The Advocate

Many of my friends may recall that I have said for years that Michelle Rodriguez is as gay as Queen Latifah. Though most people believed me, there were always the few who scoffed and said, "And Queen Latifah isn't gay -- you just think everyone is gay." Well, now I can say "I told you so. Everybody is gay." Previously, I based my claims on sightings of Michelle dancing on tables at girl bars from LA to NYC and rumors that she had a 'domestic disturbance' with her female 'roommate' back in New Jersey years ago. Of course, I suppose these gossip tidbits were not proof of Michelle having anything other than an open-minded love of dancing and a commitment to self-assertion. After all, no one is really gay until it's printed in the Advocate.

Fortunately, Michelle's former co-star Kristanna Lokan -- who is best known for being the terminatrix in Terminator 3 and for making out with Pink at the 2003 World Music Awards, was just interviewed by the Advocate to promote an upcoming stint on The L Word this season. Kristanna and Michelle worked together in the horrendous vampire film BloodRayne, written by a mediocre lesbian filmmaker, and based on, surprise, a video game. There were rumors about Kristanna and Michelle 'partying' heavily during filming, which I interpreted as either drinking a lot, hooking up a lot, or both, because what else is there to do when filming a horrendous vampire movie in Romania? But, apparently, those drunken hookups evolved into a meaningful relationship, which Kristanna could no longer bear to hide. Fortunately for Michelle, when faced with questions about their relationship, Kristanna outed her in the most sensitive, eloquent way possible:

Interviewer: OK, your silence says volumes [Both laugh]
Kristanna: Just don’t look upstairs, OK?
Interviewer: Ooh, OK. You don’t want me to print that?
Kristanna: You can print it. [Laughs again] The very hot housekeeper. No, just joking.

Oh, hahahaha housekeeper - get it? Because she's like Mexican or whatever (also joking, she's Puerto Rican and Dominican). Anyway, Kristanna better be careful with her housekeeper jokes. Even though Kristanna is a head taller, I would still bet on Michelle in a domestic disturbance. You all saw Girlfight right? Not only would Michelle knock the sh*t out of her, but she would drink Kristanna under the table first and then speed away in her car after. Not even the LA County Jail could contain her fury.

But seriously, I wish Michelle and Kristanna luck, because it was pretty sad that Ellen and Portia were the hottest celebrity lesbian couple. I know it's hard to compete with Brangelina, but make an effort people! (This means you too boys -- Lance and Reichen are lame.)

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